Chaos & Love

It’s quarter to seven in the morning and I’m halfway falling off the bed from a little boy who needed mama and a baby girl who also needed mama. Regardless of the time, I needed to journal.

Oh, if you’re wondering where my husband and other child are- they are sleeping on the couch. Not because we are fighting or mad at each other, but because he had a really nice sleep and our little girl wanted to sleep next to him. 💜

The chaos can be fun and other times it can be disastrous. We have to choose how to respond to it..

1. Do we want to Love through the Chaos, or

2. Be Bitter through the Chaos

It’s hunting season and while raising three kids is hard all by itself, life goes on and doesn’t stop for anyone.

I find myself getting bitter at the beginning of hunting season because I instantly become a single mom/widow/whatever you want to call it, but, regardless, I’m the one trying to resolve and argue with my kids who will be cleaning up the cow poop they stepped in and brought it into the house.

I find priorities being pushed back further and further.

Somehow, my husband can come home at 7:30-8pm and be exhausted from working all day on the family farm, but I’m still left to keep the house running.

Dishes can be piled up and not get clean and like our dishwasher currently that is not cleaning the dishes and leaving residue-I’m the one who is responsible for getting them done.

I’m not bitter, I just want to be better.

Ok, let’s put all that aside and look at the positives:

  • My husband is not having glamorous love affairs on 9th street
  • My husband isn’t selling or using drugs
  • My husband surely isn’t running a small town sweat shop

NO!

He is…

  • Working hard
  • Helping his family
  • Hunting to provide the steady flow of meat our family needs to survive
  • Teaching our children life lessons that will never be taught anywhere else

The Chaos immediately turns into Love when I see my husband setting a good Godly example for our family. The Love he shares through hunting, processing, and other things they do on the farm will be passed on to our children.

The Chaos comes to a halt when he fits in hunting time together for just the two of us🦌

For now, I’m going to continue to pray that God continues to keep us together through all this chaos..I’m going to pray that God continues to show his love through my husband and our children learning life lessons that can only be taught through our Lord.

Do you find yourself and your life being Chaotic?

Share with how you handle it..I’d love to hear from you💜

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…and on the third try, God gave us a Boy💙

Having three angels are the best gift God blessed us with, however, he blessed us even greater with a boy after two amazing girls. 

When you’re pregnant with your first child, it’s not a secret that SO many of us moms secretly want a boy-you know to be the protector for his future siblings. It’s turns out once again, that God, had different plans for us.

Just like with my secret post partum depression came a lot of hate. A lot of hate because it seemed that everyone was having boys instead of me and it continued with our second child. My brother and sister in law both had boys and I craved to give birth to a healthy baby boy. My post partum grew into hate and my hate grew into jealousy and my jealously grew into me becoming such a negative person.

Now, let me back up and put into perspective why I truly have always wanted a boy.

I’ve always had trouble with men-my dad was non existent from my life. My mom, who had several men in her life for reasons and troubles with her own personal relationship with her father and brothers. (No blame, however-its life) 

The only male relationship I could stand was the one with my poppop. He was there for me, he was a phone call away, and he was my provider and always bought us food and clothes when my single mom was unable to do so. All other male relationships were completely awkward for me.

Until I was introduced to an amazing man by a group of girlfriends, My future husband.

There are not enough words to explain how humble, loving, God fearing, caring, and respectful my husband is and still continues to be!

With such a great man that came into my life, And the men I had to grow up with in my life, I wanted a boy to love me, a boy to turn out to be just like his daddy, a boy who would grow up and become a God fearing humble man because the last thing our world needs is another loser man who can’t and won’t support his family. I want a boy I can raise who will be there for his family, raise his family, and make sure that God is first in everything they do.


May 2012, my sister in law surrounded us with our girls as we went into the ultrasound room to find out what our third child would be-even color coded our girls with Kaylee wearing pink and Chelsea wearing blue. My sister in law and Chelsea were on top as we found out that in December we would be expecting our boy, finally. So many emotions filled that day from finding out to closing our eyes at night, we just were so overjoyed with emotions. 

Fast forward three years later and with our baby boy turning four next month, we have been blessed with such a fun loving, sweet, caring, funny, God loving baby boy. His blonde hair blue eyes dimpled cheeks nearly puts a smile on my face every day as he is turning out to be the boy we had always wanted. 

As for me personally, it has made me into a better aunt and a little more gentle towards men, knowing that all the men in the world aren’t like the men I had in my life growing up.

It has also made me realize the time I also wasted not spending more time with all of my amazing awesome nephews-because they are all rockstars and awesome cousins💙💜


Life is too short and for this mom, I’m thankful for all my kiddos nieces and nephews includes:) I love you all to the moon and back💙

Anxious Hearts, Desired Plans, & Saved by the Grace of God

Being a mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world. A lot of times, I feel anxious because I can’t just let things go. Am I doing this parenting thing right or wrong? Am I disciplining my children as I should?

The desires of our hearts can constantly be at odds with the desires God has for us. When they align, it is a beautiful, peaceful realization. But when they are different, it can create confusion, mistrust, and frustration-often times becaue we lack discernment, which by Christian definition is perception in the absence of judgment with a view to obtaining spiritual direction and understanding.

How do we handle this? Just pray mamas. Pray that our Lord gives us peace. We pray that his will be done no matter what that means for us. In strict obedience to God, we choose not to be anxious, which is easier said than done. He has already promised to guard our hearts. If we as mothers start to feel frustrated or anxious again, we pray. So much of life is out of our control, so why do we bother agonizing when we can just pray.

Matthew 6:33-34 Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.

What desires do you have that God hasn’t yet shown you? Can you truly release them to his care, trusting him with your life plan?

 

Let us Pray!

School, work, family, and Life.

The summer ended with a small family trip to the beach, Assateague Island to be exact. The kids and I had a blast with the family. It was a wonderful way to end the summer season for us!


The school year started and we struggled to get into routine again as all three kiddos started school.  

Walker started his first year as a role model to special needs kiddos and has been doing a great job! We are so proud of him.

As a mom I was not prepared, physically and emotionally, for our last child to “flee” from the house and to become a “big boy”. It has put a lot of strain on me, but currently it has taken me a long time to adjust!

We now have a second grader, a first grader, and a preschooler full time at school. 

I stressed for the longest time about Walker going to school and surprisingly he has been awesome in school with no difficulties! 

The girls are doing well academically and are both way above where they need to be, which makes me a proud mama!


We were able to start enjoying the cooler weather that is FINALLY coming! We spent the day on a family picnic touring the blue ridge parkway! We really enjoy our family time!💜


The girls participated in their first ever pageant and we were so grateful to have my sister in law and cousin help with hair and makeup and a special shoutout to grandma for helping out with the dress, the day of the pageant:) 

The girls didn’t win, but it was an awesome learning experience and truly an eye opener to get them to open up publicly! We will have awesome luck next year!

Our kids recently celebrated grandparents day and it was even more special that their great grandmother was able to attend the special event💜


Thanks to this woman, I’m so happy with a new church!! It’s such an awesome movement when the family can agree on something! Thank you Mrs. Dana for not giving up on me:)

That’s about it for right now, and while I understand that three kids may be nothing for a mama to 4,5,or 6, it’s a bunch for me and that’s the adventure that was planned for me and my family!
Until next post,
Love, 
Jessica

Moms, Minivans, and Messes

Mom’s lives matters, too, Dallas.

When you become a mom you have a new found love that you never knew existed until you bring this brand new life into the world, a baby, a miracle.

Yesterday when my husband came home from work, I woke up to Brian Williams reporting that there had been yet another shooting with five dead and several were injured. I really thought it was a dream, but sadly it wasn’t. 

Each of these victims had a mom, a woman who conceived a child, brought life into this world, and raised the child for the greater good. 

There are now five moms who are grieving right now, there are five mothers without their child, there are five mothers who are having to bury their child, there are five mothers who won’t have an opportunity to become a grandmother, and there are five mothers who aren’t able to continue on their child’s journey because their life was taken too soon.

Did these killers think about the mothers when he pulled the trigger? What about his/her own mother? I couldn’t imagine raising a killer, knowing my child that I raised consumed so much hate for people, put a plan into place to leave five mothers in his world to grieve for the rest of their lives each and everyday. 

As a mom, my heart has been broken. I couldn’t imagine raising a child to hate so much, nor could I be on the other end of the spectrum and become a mom in an instant who has to bury my child.

How do we go forward from this awful situation?

We go forward by showing our children, who are the future of our nation, love, peace, and respect. This is America, we live in the land of the free and by that we need to raise children who will live up to those expectations to follow rules, respect authority figure, and to raise a family in such a manner that it will continue to pass the positive morals, rituals, and honor to each generation to follow.

If you’re a mom, please stop for a second today and hug your babies, hug your children, and let them know how much they mean to you. Life is too short and you never know when it will be your last hug, kiss, or verbal goodbye. 

There are five mothers right now who were taken from this…

Mother’s lives matter, too, Dallas.

Independence Day🇺🇸

Ask your child what it means to be free….

Kaylee: (7)”That you can do whatever you want.”

Chelsea: (6)”You can do whatever you want in the country.”

Walker:(3)”A train”

These answers are appropriate for their ages in how their mind operates.

Do we as moms live like we are free, or are there things that we are slaves to? 

On this Independence Day, I’m thankful for the handful of opportunities I get on a daily basis to learn, love, and be free with my children. 

Yesterday we spent precious time with family, time that we will never have again  because time is limited and in that time we laughed, loved, and lived a little. Fireworks and sparklers entertained the adults and kids, while the endless amount of food and drinks seemed to entertain our bellies. 


It was nice sitting on the ground of the family farm with family, cousins, and in laws watching the fireworks go off all around us, and for the most part, right in front of us. 


On this Independence Day, I’m grateful for these slow rainy days enjoying the company of my children because when you’re a working mom, life is hectic.

Just like Christ, he set us moms free to enjoy his completed work on the cross. May the God of all comfort fill your heart with a renewed ability to enjoy your freedom.


Above: Cousins posing silly for a picture.


Above: My nephew and me getting ready to enjoy a firework show!

Daddy helping our kiddos play with sparklers!  

Lastly, to top it off, mom celebrated by herself with a nice mom-drink! 


I’m signing off now to watch the Macy’s 4th of July firework celebration on TV with My kiddos!
Happy 4th of July Moms!🇺🇸

Afraid of the ADHD Monster

As I woke up this morning to do my mom devotional, during the peace and quiet I endure by waking up very early, so that I can think and have God time to start my day, I was a bit overwhelmed with excitement because my devotional for today answered what I’ve been fearing for a while.

 

Here is the devotional I read:

“As children we were fearful of monsters under the bed, or we were frightened by the thought of what could be lurking in the dark corners of the room. As irrational as those fears were, they were real to us. We froze; dared not to breathe or cry out, shut our eyes tightly bidding sleep to come. The nights and the darkness they brought seemed endless.

 

As adults we still fear monsters; however, these days they take form of an irate boss, difficulty with a relationship, an unfavorable medical diagnosis, or a credit card bill. Fear grips us in a real and powerful way, immobilizing us. If we aren’t careful, fear can destroy our peace of mind.

 

I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. (Psalm 34:4-5)

 

What are the monsters that you fear? As a child of God, you can cry out to him, confident that he will help. You can shake fear and know that whatever monster you face, you don’t face it alone.”

 

What have I been fearful of and battling for a while now, you may ask? ADHD.

 

It’s something I have and have struggled with my whole life and while it wasn’t something that was popular while I was growing up, I’m so glad it’s something that is recognized these days.

 

Before I became a mom, I was one who always said my kids would never be medicated; I was so judgmental over mothers about EVERY SINGLE CHOICE moms made.

 

When Kaylee started first grade, we noticed behaviors that were out of the norm for her and it became difficult in school and at home to redirect her behaviors and attention multiple times. We decided to have Kaylee tested for ADHD.

 

In December 2015, Kaylee was officially diagnosed with ADHD and our world was turned upside down. (It’s funny looking back now how things just happen naturally, or how God puts things in our specific lives to help us understand how precious life can be as parents)

 

We discussed with Kaylee’s AMAZING doctor all of the options and since I was so against giving children a controlled substance, we decided not to give Kaylee medication and work hard on her behaviors with partnerships with her amazing teacher, who is also my best friend.

 

Our family worked extremely hard over the school year to promote redirection, focusing, paying attention, doing great work (Which, both of our kiddos are extremely smart) and staying on task.

 

Our hard work paid off by the end of the year because Kaylee became more focused in her studies and she continued to excel in her academics.

 

Something seemed to still not be so quite right and had us, as her parents, asking questions.

 

After many thoughts and prayers, this week we decided to give medication a chance. With the start of summer, it becomes a great opportunity to try medication out for Kaylee that will help her focus on one thing rather than many things at once.

 

Today is the day we are going to start her medication and our fears are drawing to a close. Is this going to work? Is this the right medication? What if it doesn’t work? Will this paralyze her? (These and many more questions are all thoughts we’ve had)

 

Please keep our family in your thoughts and prayers this summer as we embark on a new adventure together, figuring out if Kaylee is on the right medication for her ADHD, and that it helps her maintain her focus for future goals and academics and home life.

 

My devotion this morning spoke to me letting me know that God is with us through this new adventure and will always comfort us during these times. I was thankful to have this devotional time and appreciate all new adventures that come our way.

 

Lastly, I apologize to all moms I judged while I was a non-mom. As I’m learning, it truly is one of the worst things to do, while embarking on your life journey.

This is the face of my “ADHD Monster” receiving her Principal’s Award for academics and being an overall student in her class ❤

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